Today I am in receipt of the following private message:
I have a blog topic…. When that 1 Special Ed teacher breaks your kid down, and for the first time makes him feel hopeless and limited…..and it crushes him. Mrs. XYZ made Michael feel dumb and different for the first time and we went thru anxiety attack after anxiety attack until we signed paper work to have him removed from her class. This is a confident, happy kid and he was broken down. Kids with learning disabilities work so hard and put in so much extra effort just to keep up. I don’t know if it’s a topic to blog about but I never expected a special Ed teacher to break my son. I wasn’t prepared and didn’t know how to handle it. We have always worked hard to build Liam’s confidence, accept that he learns differently and be ok with that. Maybe I’m being sensitive, I don’t know. What I do know is that he’s in therapy now to deal with how “dumb and different” (his words) he feels and that pisses me off.
I am going to name the lady who wrote this message Celeste because it’s the sexiest name I can think of and Celeste whose name really isn’t Celeste is kind of a hottie. If she wasn’t such a nice person I would sneak sugar into her diet Coke and hang a “Closed for Construction” sign on the gym door every time she tried to work out. I think we should make a rule: Only shallow hags are allowed to be tall, thin and hot as hell at 40. Then I could say to myself, “Rachel you’re not fat because you eat ice cream mixed with vodka and Paxil, it’s because you’re not a bitch.” But alas, women like Celeste exist and I can’t: Damn her!!!!!
I met Celeste 10 years ago at Medford Fitness. She joined the gym to lose the 2 pounds she gained during her second pregnancy whereas I joined the gym for the free daycare and hot tub. One day, after an exhausting soak, I went to the daycare center and found Dana being chased around the room by an adorable 18 month old boy. It took him awhile to catch her, but once he did, he got her in a bear hug and showered her with kisses. “Help!!!” she screamed. “I not like it!!!” Now any other mother would have run in to rescue her daughter from this tiny rapist, but I stood there laughing my ass off. Finally, one of the day care assistants noticed what was happening and, with great difficulty, pried this little boy off my daughter. He looked at the lady as if to say, “Do you know how long it took me to catch her! Hands off bitch!!” I walked in to collect Dana who looked at me as if to say, “Where have you been! I was attacked!! What kind of place are they running here Mom!!” If you know Dana you’re probably reading this thinking, “Christ nothing has changed.” Anyhooo, as I picked Dana up and wiped the spit off her face one of the daycare assistants said, “It seems we have a budding romance going on here.” “Yes,” I replied. “I saw the whole thing. What’s that little boy’s name?” “Liam.”
One day, as I was standing at the daycare window watching the newest episode of Let’s Catch Me A Redhead, I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder. I turned around to face an absolutely stunning woman covered in sweat. Apparently some people actually exercise at the gym.
Stranger: Are you Rachel?
Me: Yes. Who are you?
Stranger: Celeste. I’m so embarrassed but I think I owe you an apology.
Me: Why???
Then she pointed at Liam
Celeste: That’s my son
I started laughing
Me: You don’t have to apologize they’re babies. I think it’s hysterical. He’s a man who knows what he wants!
She breathed a sigh of relief
Celeste: Oh thank God. When the staff told me what he was doing I thought you’d be mad.
Me: I’m not mad I think it’s great. She’s going to spend the rest of her life fighting off over- zealous men she might as well start practicing now. And don’t be embarrassed be relieved, at least you know he’s straight.
And unlike most people, who react with shock at my sense of humor, she belly-laughed.
Celeste: Oh he is soooooooooooooo straight. He’s too straight! When I tell him we’re going to the gym he starts batting his eyelashes and asks, “Dana?”
We had so much fun watching them that year before I became pregnant with the twins. Even Chris, who never approaches people he doesn’t know, introduced himself to Liam’s dad by saying, “I’m Dana’s father, I’d like to know your son’s intentions.”
So why am I telling you all this? So that you would know the woman who private messaged me is fun and kind and genuine and thin: but I’ll try to overlook that and answer her question.
Dear Celeste,
This is what I would say to Liam if he were my child:
Liam, no one can make you feel inferior without your permission. No one can break your spirit or rob you of your convictions without your permission. Physical harm can happen at will, but you are responsible for the preservation of your soul, and if it’s damaged, it’s because you gave someone the authority to damage it. Decide that you are capable and intelligent and no one can ever convince you differently. You’re 12 years old now. That’s too old to be requiring other people to provide your self esteem. You are going to have shitty, mean teachers for the rest of your educational career and if they break your heart it’s because you let them. When you graduate school you will have nasty co-workers that connive and criticize, but if they ruin your day it will be your fault because you let them. You will answer to ignorant, self-absorbed administrators but if their opinion rocks the foundation of your self-worth, it will be your fault because you let them. How others make you feel is not their responsibility, it’s yours. The world is littered with as many snakes as it is kind and generous people so stop asking the teachers at school to do YOUR job. When you’re 35 and your boss humiliates you at a committee meeting, even if I’m still alive I’m sure as fuck not going to call the man and say, “Stop being mean to my son!” and then find you a new job.
Some of the most extraordinary people ever to walk this Earth had dyslexia: Leonardo Da Vinci, Alexander Graham Bell, Thomas Edison and Henry Ford are just a handful of the so-called “learning disabled” people who radically changed the face of the Earth. How? Because they thought differently. They learned differently. They imagined the world to be a DIFFERENT place and were therefore able to make it a better, more beautiful place. There are billions of people on this Earth. The truly remarkable ones don’t fit in, they stand out.
More than I want you to be happy, I want you to have courage. Truly successful people have courage enough to stand up to those who would beat them down if given the opportunity. Now I know you’re hurt, but as of today you and I are turning over a new leaf, together. Today we decide that you are uniquely intelligent and your dyslexia will one day make you a remarkable adult. No one is ever going to destroy your opinion of yourself again, because you will never again give anyone permission to do so. And neither will I. The next time you come home and say, “Mrs. XZY made me feel dumb!” I am going to respond to you in the following manner:
Celeste: Are you dumb?
Liam: What???!!
Celeste: I asked, are you dumb?
Liam: I don’t know.
Celeste: OK, come back when you’ve made your decision and then maybe we’ll talk.
Liam: OK fine I’m not dumb!
Celeste: Are you sure about that?
Liam: Yes. Fine. Whatever!
Celeste: So if you’re not dumb, are you smart?
Liam: I guess.
Celeste: Not good enough, come back when you’re certain.
Liam: Oh my God Mom, fine I’m smart!
Celeste: Well if you’re so smart why are you listening to that fat, miserable pig who should have retired from teaching 10 years ago?
Liam is now speechless
Celeste: We talked about this dear. I’m not giving in to this shit anymore and neither are you. If you feel dumb it’s because you allowed that woman to make you feel dumb so I’m not mad at her I’m mad at you.
Liam: So what are you going to I do?
Celeste: Nothing. I make it a habit never to converse with imbeciles.
Liam: You’re not going to call her?!
Celeste: Nope. I’m not fighting your battles for you anymore.
Liam: You’re not going to call her?!
Celeste: Nope. I’m not fighting your battles for you anymore.
Liam: Well what do I do?
Celeste: Your homework. I’m going for a jog. I’ll help if you need it when I get back.
Liam: Why are you going for a jog?
Celeste: I don’t know maybe I’m going crazy but just lately my diet cokes have been tasting like someone put sugar in them. I tried to work out this morning but there was a sign on the gym door that said “Closed for construction.”
